Snowflake Challenge: Day 4
Jan. 8th, 2021 05:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
narya_flame
Challenge #4
In your own space, create some goals. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.
Hmmmmmm. OK.
I don't know how I feel about this year yet. I want it to be significantly better than 2020 - but the first few months are looking like they will be much the same as last March/April. Stay at home, only leave for essential purposes. For me, lockdown doesn't equal extra productivity - quite the reverse, and I've made my peace with that - so I'm not going to start down the track of "I shall write a novel in three months!" because it won't happen.
If things improve later in the year (i.e. if all goes to plan with the UK vaccine rollout and we don't get any more unwelcome plot twists like jab-resistant mutations, which are two very big ifs), I hope to spend a lot of time in the second half of 2021 doing things with my much-missed friends. If it's safe, I have every intention of being very busy with trips and dinners and long, long walks and nights out and nights in and barbecues and bonfires and parties and (maybe) sporting events and concerts - just generally being able to enjoy the world and the people in it again, and above all being able to have physical contact with someone who isn't my husband. I adore him, but I miss lounging on the sofa in a tangled heap with my friends, and hugging my sister so hard that we both fall over (it's happened more than once). If the second half of the year brings a lift in restrictions, I can't see myself hitting any arbitrary goals and targets I set myself now, because I'll just want to have fun.
That said, socialising in and of itself can't be a personal target to aim for; it's not in my control. I can do my best to keep myself and others safe and not spread this thing, but I can't account for others who may not do the same.
So - where does that leave me?
A few days ago
elwinfortuna mentioned the idea of a yearly theme, as opposed to a set of resolutions. Since there are big question marks over what 2021 is going to throw at us, to me this feels like a better choice than a list of resolutions I won't keep. I've been struggling, though, to think of what my theme could be - but, writing out that long paragraph about the things I've missed, it hit me. Above all things, I've missed having fun.I spent a lot of 2020 grousing and sighing and huffing and wishing things were different, and no doubt there'll be some of that this year too. Really, though, the pandemic has still left me (in theory) with lots of things that I love. My books. My writing. D&D. (Thank goodness for Zoom.) The outdoors. My crazy, ridiculous, horrendously behaved cat. But I haven't enjoyed all of them in the way I normally would. There was always the mental noise, the sense of waiting, of feeling fidgety - the inability to settle, the constant search for a temporary mental way out, the endless cycle of clicking and scrolling that invariably ensued. I was constantly speculating about and pinning hopes on the next government announcement ("We might be able to see one more person! We might be able to go and sit outside a pub with a drink if we stay two metres apart!"). At the same time I felt guilty that I wasn't "achieving" more. Why hadn't I lost weight? Why had I not made myself finally read The Dubliners? Why wasn't I going out for a run every day, instead of whining about missing the pool?* Why hadn't I made my house and garden look like something out of Ideal Homes? Why hadn't I carefully tied all the plot threads of our D&D adventure to my players' character backgrounds, and made them feel like they were starring in an epic fantasy novel, not just messing about doing silly voices through a laptop?
*Actually there's a very good reason for that, as I remembered last weekend when I twisted my ankle - my joints and tendons are a mess from years of hockey at school and university, and pounding miles of concrete everyday will not do them any good!
So that's going to be my theme for this year. Fun.
Whichever way 2021 goes, I'm going to choose to do things I enjoy, for no reason other than I enjoy them. I'm going to choose books that I want to read, instead of kidding myself that if I try hard enough I really might develop a liking for James Joyce. I'm going to write and run that homebrew D&D campaign idea, and never mind that it probably won't be as good as a published adventure - nothing ever survives contact with the players anyway. As soon as we get to a point where physical gatherings are possible again, I'm giving myself permission to spend as much time with my friends as I want, instead of guilt-tripping myself about other things I "should" be doing. I'm going to make and eat food that I love, and go for walks in beautiful places, and not make either of those things about how many calories I consumed or lost in the process.
Brace for incoming Mary Poppins moment - I'm also going to lean into the fun of things that I don't always enjoy, or find ways to improve them. I cannot make myself like cleaning, but I can put AC/DC on at full blast and sing while I do it. There are elements of my job that are deadly dull - but nothing says I can't move files around in our system while Downton Abbey meanders along in the background. (I miss my colleagues, but there are some serious perks to working from home!)
So there we go. Fun. I'm taking it back - whatever it may end up looking like in a year of uncertainty and change.
no subject
Date: 2021-01-08 08:39 pm (UTC)It sounds good to me. I so hope you do get time with your friends!
I spent an hour on an online call my the Physio this morning and said, ‘I think I’m not getting very far because I can’t be spontaneous.’ Anxiety does not help the Triple-P D at all (she said). I can’t just say, ‘I’m going to the shop, let’s drive to Homesense’ etc ...
I can’t make any plans, because it comes down to waiting for dear old Billy to pass. We can’t take him anywhere because everywhere I look has slippery floors and he cannot cope; his back legs do a Bambi on ice. But you don’t put down animals just because they’re old and infirm, so we live around him.
After, if all goes well, we’ve promised to just pack and drive off and stay at old inns and places and just drive and stop. As long as it has internet, we can work. And I do look forward to that. This year, it will just be wringing what joy I can out of what happens 🙏🏼
no subject
Date: 2021-01-09 10:47 am (UTC)I can’t make any plans, because it comes down to waiting for dear old Billy to pass. We can’t take him anywhere because everywhere I look has slippery floors and he cannot cope; his back legs do a Bambi on ice. But you don’t put down animals just because they’re old and infirm, so we live around him.
<3 <3 <3
I hope you do get your road trip when the time is right. (Make sure you visit Scotland on the way, I owe you a drink or several!!)
no subject
Date: 2021-01-09 10:55 am (UTC)I hear you about pounding on concrete, I have to do low impact exercise as well. But I prefer walking in lovely paces than steaming along on concrete anyhow!
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Date: 2021-01-09 11:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-09 11:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-08 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-09 10:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-08 10:03 pm (UTC)I have never met anyone who could look you in the eye and honestly say they liked Joyce (myself included).
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Date: 2021-01-09 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-09 10:49 am (UTC)It felt like he wrote for himself with no attempt to try to share.
YES this, absolutely.
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Date: 2021-01-09 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-01-09 10:47 am (UTC)